Similes, Hyperbole and Nouns (oh my!)

 

(My first attempt at writing a piece using literary devices)

220px-Smokey3


I woke up this morning after a short five hours of sleep. I was so tired from the night before, I felt like I could have slept for days. I shuffled my way for what seemed like forever into the bathroom to get ready for my day.

I fumbled for the light switch on the wall, and clicked it on. A flood of blinding light that was brighter than the sun enveloped my small bathroom. I shielded my eyes for an eternity until I was able to make out the silhouette of myself in the mirror.

When I came into focus, my hair looked like a porcupine on steroids. It looked as though I had used way too much Aqua Net hairspray, and if I moved my foot just so on the carpet, I would start a blaze that would take down Yellowstone National Park. And Smokey the Bear too. Sorry, Smokey.

I turned on the tap for my shower. The water that gushed out was colder than a witches’ tit. It also took a bazillion years for the water to become lukewarm. Stupid hot water heater. After the water warmed up to my taste, I disrobed and hopped into the shower. I hopped out of the spray faster than a speeding bullet to avoid getting burned by the water that was now coming out hotter than the surface of the Sun and Johnny Depp combined. ( I don’t know why I have this infatuation with Johnny Depp, I think it might be his accent. Lol.)

After my shower fiasco, I got dressed in my usual denim jeans and tank top. I went back to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get rid of the morning breath that could keep a vampire at bay.

Now that I am all clean and ready for the day, I go downstairs to eat breakfast. At this point, I am so hungry, I could eat a horse. Or two horses. I decide to have some bacon and eggs to quench my hunger. Even though I am starving, I eat slower than a snail. I have been a slow eater forever.

It takes me an entire day to eat a sandwich. I eat so slow that when I am finished eating breakfast, it is already time for lunch. In fact, when I am eating lunch, I am already thinking about what I am going to eat for dinner. No joke.

Now…what am I going to eat for lunch?

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